Some days, my kids do the funniest things, and I just want to share them with the world. Other days, I’ve had a rough day, and I just want to take a break and laugh.
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My son (Joseph) was talking to an adult friend of the family.
Joseph: “Guess what I did!”
Andrew: “What?”
Joseph: “I stuck my head in the toilet and flushed it!”
Andrew: “You gave yourself a ‘swirly’? I’m not sure how to separate the bully from the victim in this scenario…”
My son said, “I wish that whenever you hugged people, they would lose weight. And then when you finished hugging them, their skin would pop back big again.”
I took the bait and said, “Why, honey?”
He said, “Because it’s really hard to hug all the way around a fat mommy!”
My husband was trying to tell our kids how good they have it these days. He said, “When I was a kid, we didn’t have remotes – we had to walk over to the TV to change the channel.” Without missing a beat, our son said, “I didn’t even know you had a TV back then!”
We went to one of those warehouse stores, and I bought a huge container of dill weed. When we were walking through the checkpoint at the exit, my son held up the container of dill weed and said loudly, “Mommy, did you remember to pay for your GRASS?”
The man at the checkpoint almost fell over laughing. He took the container from my son and held it up in the air. He turned to all the people in line behind me and said, “Her son wants to know if she remembered to pay for her GRASS?”
We took our 3-yr-old to the beach one summer. He was determined that he was going to pet a seagull. Sure enough, he walked up behind an unsuspecting seagull and touched it.
Later, he excitedly told my sister, “I touched a seagull!” She said, “What did it feel like?” He replied, “It felt like someone had touched it.”
My inlaws are about as Southern as they come. (OK, I admit it – I am, too!)
My husband’s younger brother has been called “Peanut” since the day he was born. One day, my mother-in-law called to tell me that we weren’t going to call him “Peanut” anymore. She said, “I just think it’s a little silly to call a 30-year-old man ‘Peanut.’” I couldn’t really argue with the logic, so I said, “Okay, what are we going to call him?”
She said, “Now we are going to call him ‘BUBBA.’”
(That is so much better, don’t ya think?)
We were riding in the car, and out of the blue, my son said, “You’re excused.”
I said, “What are you doing, Son?”
He said, “I’m excusing my brother for the next thing he does — whatever that is.”
When I was growing up, my dad would always say, “I wouldn’t trade you for a horse and $100.” So I’ve started saying that to my kids. I think it is backfiring, though.
I said to my 5-year-old, “I wouldn’t trade you for a horse and $100.” He said, “I would trade you. I’d just take the $100.”
The boys were going to go camping for a few days with their dad. I told them, “I’m going to miss you while you are gone.”
“Mommy,” my son said, “Daddy and I know that you’d miss us if we went to the mailbox.”